Struggle and Support

MAN, I have the BEST FRIENDS EVER. I've received everything from tough love to logical love to just plain love since my post yesterday. For the record, I have no plan to quit my diet. The thought of going back to being fat and very unhappy did not even hang out in my head long enough for me to consider it a possibility. I've been feeling too good (I mean physically good, not necessarily emotionally good) since I started this healthier lifestyle. I don't get winded easily, I have more energy and in general I just feel physically capable to tackle things. Maybe it's a growing confidence, or maybe it's knowing my physical abilities better or a combination of both. Regardless, I can't imagine myself going back to eating french fries almost every day or gorging myself with fast food tacos whenever I feel like it. Even having a few unmotivated days didn't make me crave fast food.

I thought about not posting yesterday. I thought about waiting until the unmotivated slump had passed and acting like it wasn't there. But then I realized - who DOESN'T get frustrated when they're on a diet? Who doesn't have days or weeks where they just don't want to do it anymore? If my entire blog was happy and successful and "this is so easy!", that would be a lie. What I was feeling yesterday was true - and one of the reasons I posted it (besides needing inspiration for myself) was to show anyone who's struggling that they're not alone, and hopefully inspire them to push through it. Every dieter will hit a wall at some point. The key is to keep doing your best and NOT TO HIDE IT! If you don't ask for help, NO ONE CAN HELP YOU. I can't even explain to you how long it took me to figure that out. It's like the somewhat cheesy song "Lean On Me" says - "No one can fill those of your needs that you don't let show." I HATE admitting that I need help, that I'm struggling. But if I hadn't posted yesterday, would I be feeling better today? Would I have logged ALL my points for the bad food I ate yesterday? Or would I be in the same unmotivated place? I certainly know I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants I needed.

Now, I will say that some people just aren't ready. If you're trying to push your friend, neighbor, family member, etc. to diet with you, and they're not ready, then it's not going to work for them. No one can make that decision for them except themselves. You can encourage and support all you want, but they have to decide to hold themselves accountable. My mom used to encourage me to diet - I took it as some kind of insult, being my very proud and independent self. All I could hear was "You're fat" instead of "I know you're unhappy and you can be happier, please let me help you." Not everyone will see it this way, but it might discourage them slightly. Or maybe they're much more well adjusted than myself and will instantly move into a healthier lifestyle, who knows. But if you don't feel their enthusiasm, don't push. Set an example and perhaps when they see how great you look in your clothes or how quickly you're losing weight, they'll start to make changes too.

A VERY LARGE THANK YOU this week. It amazes me that just by writing this little blog I am affecting other people's lives in a positive way. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not just here for myself. And by here, I mean over 12 pounds down in 8 weeks.

Changes and Truth

It's been a busy couple of days! I would love to say that this blog will be daily - but I'm going to say that probably won't happen. I will write as often as I can!

Since Sunday, I've been sticking pretty closely to the diet. Lots of fruits and vegetables, milk and protein and fewer carbs. I've felt good about what I've been eating. Don't get me wrong, I still treat myself a little. Sunday I had a 3 Musketeers fun size bar and yesterday I had a large low-fat blueberry muffin from Mimi's Cafe. But, most of the day, I eat well.

Today was my first day at the restaurant. It's going to be REALLY hard to eat well there. They have fantastic food, most of it southern comfort style, and I get a 50% discount anytime. But today, I got an avocado, tomato and cheese sandwich on wheat bread, with a side salad. And it was delicious! So today was a victory! Also, since my daily activity has changed from mostly sitting to mostly standing and walking. So, tomorrow, being the first day of my new Weight Watchers week, I will adjust my daily points to reflect that. For dinner tonight, I had a Healthy Choice Fresh Mixer, which, if you haven't tried, are DELICIOUS! They come in handy microwaveable packets that can steam rice and heat meat and sauce. I had the sesame teriyaki chicken one today. They're really handy to bring for lunch if you work at an office or something.

Today was also my first day at the gym since Thursday. This isn't great, but sometimes you just can't get there. And as long as you don't give up or get discouraged because you're not there every day for 5 hours, just keep doing what you can. Today I took this AWESOME class called Body Flow. (I'm lucky that my gym membership means all classes are free.) Body Flow is a mix of Tai-Chi, pilates and yoga. So, in short, I'm already sore! It was really difficult, but really cool. And then I got on the treadmill and walked for about 20 minutes. My mom wants to go with me to the next class. I'm hoping to go at least once or twice a week. I think if I went everyday I would never stop being sore! I forgot how GREAT I feel after I leave the gym.

I'm a little anxious about getting on the scale tomorrow. I hope I lose something. Well, actually, I hope I lost around 2 pounds. But I'm not sure it's going to happen. Last week I weight 216.8 lbs. I'll let you all know what the scale says - even if that's all I can post. As much as I'd like to say the weight doesn't matter, it's about a healthy lifestyle, blah blah blah - let's be real. Of course it's about weight. It's about self-esteem. I can't feel good about myself until I stop wearing a size 16-18. I can't be fully healthy until I STOP BEING OBESE. Yes, I am obese. I don't look like people you think of as obese, but that doesn't change the fact that my body fat percentage is 35%. I've always been blessed by the fact that I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. Now, the curse in this is that I can gain or lose about 15 pounds without there being much of a noticeable difference. So one day, I get on the scale and I weigh 15 pounds more than I thought I did. Maybe my number has always contributed to the fact that I've felt fat since I can remember, even when I used to wear a size 8. I used to look at my friends and wonder why I didn't look like them. As early as the 4th grade I can remember thinking this. I learned early to wear flattering clothes and suck in my stomach. I used to joke about the fact that I weighed 150 pounds when most of my friends weighed 120-120. But I joked about it to hide the fact that I didn't like the way I looked. So this is why I'm here. No more joking, no more hiding. I'm ready to change - thank you all for helping me. And thank you all for loving me when I feel like I'm at my worst.