Thursday, April 26, 2012


I am packing for a little weekend trip. No big deal, just driving over to Nashville to visit some friends.

Oh right. And run 13.1 miles.

On May 19, 2011, I posted that I ran ONE MILE.  In July, I started training for a 5K. I ran 2 that fall - one in September, and one in October. In February, I ran 6.2 miles on a snowy morning in my first 10K.
And in 2 days, I will be running 13.1 miles.

IN ONE YEAR - I have gone from someone who didn't know that she could run a mile to someone who knows she can run 13. I haven't done it yet, but I ran 10 miles last weekend and could have kept going. Don't get me wrong, I was tired and ready to stop, but I physically could have kept going without dying. So, let's rely on some race-day endorphins, people on the sidelines cheering me on, and a couple of gels and I'll be good to go!! (For you non-runners, gels are like little energy shots that give you electrolytes and stuff.)

I am not at my goal weight. I'm not anywhere near it. But I know I am in shape and I know that I can push myself to my physical limit. It is AMAZING what you can do with some determination and hard work. If I can do this, ANYONE CAN. I hated running. I never thought I could/would do this in my entire life. If you had asked me 3 years ago if I would 1) drive 6 hours round trip 2) wake up at 5am and 3) train for months 4) give up my favorite weekend in Texas (Denton Arts and Jazz) just to THEN run 13 miles - I would have laughed in your face and called you a crazy person. And while I am not thrilled about some of those things, I am still doing it! I will not be at Denton Arts for the first time in 5 years, and I will sincerely miss the fun to be had there. But I know will look back on this weekend and not remember that I missed something fun. I will remember that I challenged myself and accomplished something amazing.

I can't thank you all enough. I can't thank YOU enough. Can't wait to send you post-race thoughts. <3<3<3

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


To start - this is my 101st post in this blog. A blog I started over 2 years ago. It almost seems fitting that it would be a time for refocus and reflection.

I am now 26. Another birthday come and gone. And I weigh less than I did at my birthday last year. Which would be great . . .
if I felt better. For the last month or so, I have slipped farther and farther from my healthy lifestyle. Fast food, alcohol, not working out, and general bad decisions. I knew what I was doing. I made those decisions every day that put me in the OPPOSITE direction of where I want to go. I haven't gained that much from my start (about 5 pounds, but I'm not exactly sure because my weigh in day is Thursday), but I haven't been doing ANYTHING right. Not working out, not eating, NOTHING. And I'm feeling terrible about myself.

I remember this feeling. This feeling of helplessness, like there's too much to change for me to even begin. I hardly know where to start. I feel like a hopeless mess, like I am broken and beyond fixing. "I will never be able to fix my food problem. I will never be a size 8 again. I will never feel good in a bikini. It's my fault. I'm flawed." I'm supposed to run a half marathon in just over 2 weeks. And I feel so unprepared - I have considered not going. And yet I still sat here and ate cookies before watching the Biggest Loser.

And Lord bless The Biggest Loser. On tonight's episode, someone went through a tough emotion experience and binge ate. And her trainer said, "Doesn't it feel good to be happy? You deserve that." He stopped her from sinking into her sadness that came from one bad decision. He allowed her to turn it around and DO SOMETHING about that bad decision. And what stops me from being able to do that?

For the last month, I have been indulgent. I have been denying what I really need for instant gratification. I have done what I did to myself in college and what put me SEVENTY pounds overweight. I don't want to go back there. Ever. Again.

One of the things I need to fix this is to figure out WHY food is such a comfort to me and why I feel like I can't fulfill that need anywhere else. But tomorrow I will work out.