192.9. So, in the past 2 weeks, I've gained 1.7 pounds. On one hand, that sucks. On the other hand, I know exactly why it has happened. Which means, I have it within my control to fix it.
I've started dating someone new. We're in the "new relationship" stage - eating out all the time, going out to movies or baseball games where there's nothing but bad food. He constantly tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, and although I think he's crazy, it plants a seed of comfort in my brain. The kind of comfort that makes you think you can have that extra serving of cheez-its or order pasta instead of salad. I'm so happy with him, I've forgotten to think about how unhappy my weight can make me. Now, THIS is the struggle. When I'm happy, I can mostly ignore how I feel about my body. In addition to the "new relationship happiness," I feel great about where my body is at right now. Which makes it difficult to remember how miserable I was before. This brings up an interesting point - how do you lose weight when you're in a good place in your life and weight-loss journey?
The key, I think, is to remember that unhappiness, but not lean on it to make you lose weight. Because what happens when you lose weight? You become happier. If the only reason you were losing weight is because you felt bad about yourself, you're just going to put that weight back on again, and go through the vicious cycle of gain-loss-gain-loss. Which #1 is bad on your body and #2 doesn't exactly breed a healthy emotional relationship with yourself. Yes, there is a point of misery that you must reach in order to make the initial change and start your weight loss. BUT - that CANNOT be the only reason that you are losing weight. You have to decide to be healthier and happier in the long term, not just the short term. Otherwise you'll end up rewarding your 5 pounds of weight loss with a giant ice cream cone. I think this is a big reason why Americans constantly struggle with weight. For many, it's about instant gratification. "I have to fit into this dress for this event," or "I have a wedding come up and I want to look great in the pictures." Many of us don't decide to be healthy, we simply decide to make ourselves feel good for about a month. And then go back to our old ways.
One of the many great things about this guy is that he's completely supportive of living a healthier lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, he thinks I'm beautiful just as I am right now, and has asked me why I want to lose weight. But once I explained to him that it was a health issue as much as a self-confidence/body image issue, he said, "Ok, let's do it. I'll cook for you as much as you want, we'll set up a workout plan, whatever it takes." So, ladies, don't be afraid to talk to your significant other about things like this, especially if it's new. If they're worth your time, they will support a healthier you.
When I got serious about getting healthy, I promised myself I wouldn't be in a relationship until I was at my goal weight. I thought I needed to do this on my own, prove to myself that I didn't need a man to motivate me, etc. I think my reasoning was a lot deeper than that though - I didn't think I deserved happiness because of my weight. I didn't think I deserved someone good because I felt so bad about myself. Thankfully, my image of myself has drastically changed since September of last year, and I know that I deserve someone who can adore me exactly where I am and support me on this journey. In fact, it's actually going to be harder to not become complacent now because I have someone who doesn't really care either way. But I welcome that challenge - I want this change to be permanent. I don't want to EVER have to go through this much suffering again. Granted, I know there will be times that I gain a few pounds if I don't keep tabs on my weight, and I'll have to work to take them off. But NEVER AGAIN will I wake up one day, realized I have gained 80 pounds, I hate myself and I'm so overwhelmed with all the work to be done that I hardly know where to start.
So, back to my goal of 40 pounds in a year. I have 5.5 pounds to lose in 3 weeks - that's an average of 1.8 pounds per week. Time to buckle down! I have officially changed my weigh-in day to Thursdays because I don't have to work Thursday mornings, so I have no excuse to not weigh in. Also, it encourages me to work out when I weigh in. Help hold me accountable! Looking forward to blogging more often and still accepting suggestions about what to write about. Don't be shy!! Thank you all for everything you are in my life!