Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Weigh-in Day, May 19

A very dear friend recently read my last blog post and asked me how I was doing. I didn't realize that it had been so long since I'd written anything. Here's what's been going on.

Last Thursday, I weighed in at 191.2, which is what I've been hovering around for the last 2 weeks. Yes, I've lost a pound from 3 weeks ago, and yes I haven't been gaining weight, but I also haven't been losing. And I know exactly the reasons why.

Right about the time I ran out of sessions with my trainer, I had to get an extra job. Yes, added on to the ones I already have. And while I originally thought I was only going to be working 3 days a week there, I'm now working 5. Great monetarily, but not so much for my workout plan. I now work during the time I used to go to the gym. Which means if I want to work out, I have to wake up early and do it, something I have NEVER been good at. Though I wanted to get up and go to the gym in theory, I couldn't quite drag myself out of the bed to do it very much. I would go maybe once or twice a week for a half hour each day. And out of habit (and also partially being very busy), I was still eating like I was working out 5 days a week for an hour each day. Which has lead me to maintain my weight, instead of losing. And the less I worked out, the more crappy I felt about myself. I didn't start feeling that crappy physically, but emotionally I did. All those lovely workout-created endorphins were slipping away. The night I wrote my last blog I went out with some friends, who are fabulous and gorgeous and naturally thin, and I just couldn't stop focusing on the fact that I wasn't like them. It didn't matter how far I had come at the time. All that mattered was I felt inadequate. And so I drank. I drank far too much (don't worry, I didn't drive) and felt too crappy to get up and go to the gym the next day.

Isn't this what put me in this situation to begin with? Focusing on my weaknesses, drowning my sorrows (quite literally) and then eating to make myself feel better. And where did all that get me? 70 pounds overweight and miserable.

So last week I went to the gym 3 times. Got up early, sucked it up, and went. On Wednesday, I RAN A MILE. A WHOLE mile for the first time without stopping since 8th grade gym class. I swear I almost did a victory dance in the gym. And it wasn't a fluke, either! I did it yesterday too!! And I'm happy to report that I've been to the gym the last 2 days in a row. Today, I bought 10 more training sessions - lucky for me they were having a sale. I'm planning on working with my trainer once a week instead of twice, because I think it will help me become more accountable on my own. And keep me on track - my friend's getting married in September and I'm the maid of honor so I've got some work to do!!

This time last year, I hit a wall. I was at about the same weight, too. I just kind of got sick of my routine and went back to old habits. It didn't help that I lost my gym membership in April of last year, but I could have more actively sought out another gym. I didn't - I just kind of let it slip. This year will be different. This year is different already. I am stronger and fitter and more determined to not give up.

My last goal was to be able to run a mile before Bonnaroo. ACCOMPLISHED!!
New goal - be a size 12 by the wedding in September.

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